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w e l c o m e

f i r s t

“I am no longer accepting the things I cannot change, I am changing the things I cannot accept.”

— Angela Davis

This is the first post on my new blog. I don’t really know what this is going to be. I really just like to ramble. I find topics that I am passionate about and talk about them. I like to convey feelings in my words. I like to help people feel. Stay tuned for more.

s e l f l o v e.

Due to societal constructs most teenage girls have problems with body image. I remember when I was younger I heard about all these girls having problems with confidence and I went out of my way to assure everyone I had it. I remember my saying of choice for proving my confidence was that I would get on a table randomly and dance because I just didnt care what others thought. See that only lasted until about half way through sixth grade. Surprisingly I remember the moment, it was monday and over the weekend I had made a drastic hair decision. In the past my hair has always been a way I express myself but that is a story for another day. Anyway, over the weekend I had decided to shave the sides of my hair and leave some longer hair on top. In the past I had never been nervous to come to school with new hair so I didn’t think this would be a problem. I remember I walked into the gym where all of our classes met before the bell and I was terrified to walk past all those people. I just kept thinking that everyone was looking at me and I could feel their stares burning into me saying I looked ugly or I looked like a boy. I felt like I was going to throw up as I slowly walked to my seat. I still dont know what really brought this on except for society bringing people up that way. I dont understand why I felt like this and why any of us have to. Discovering a feeling of self dislike at a young age and growing up with it, thorugh bullies, and high school, and first boyfriends, is a hard thing to do, and a thing I wouldnt wish upon anyone. It really sucks that society has conditioned us this way where girls have this ideal and when they dont fit it to a tee they suddenly hate most about themselves. I wish I could say everything turns out perfectly okay but thats just not true, its hard, high school is evil, but you will make it through. There is no reason to resort to extremes, I promise there is a light at the end of the tunnel. You might not see it yet, but its there, in the distance, shining bright just for you. Everyone these days preach self love. This big all encompassing term that is supposed to make everything better. However, thats like saying that repeating the word peace over and over again will make all the fighting stop, or asking a depresed person why they are sad when they have all these good things, or like asking a person with asthma why they cant breathe when there is all this air. It just doesnt work like a magic switch. We dont have some giant switch in our heads that you can flip and turn off all the bad thoughts, it just doesnt work like that. Self love is something you have to work for, each and every day. A new small hoop to jump through whenever you are ready for the next step. Self love also isnt just that, on the road to self acceptance you need to form relationships, have people there who truly love you for you. You cannot do this is alone this is a fight you all have to fight, you on the front line against the world.

w o r d s

I’ve always really liked to write, to see the words spilling out of me and watching them influence other people. People always think I’m wierd because I’m that girl in school who actually wants to write the essays, I love having that prompt to guide my words and pull them out of me. Going along with that, I’ve always struggled at what to write, I really like to write poetry but its hard to have the emotion needed. I tried to write short stories but nothing really worked. I tried to write everything at a time in my life which wasnt exactly perfect to say the least. Everything was about the same one thing and it put me off. I can’t let that stop me because I just really really love words. I love watching them form, I love saying them, I love reading them, and I love watching them make other people feel something bigger than themselves. I hope I can do that on this blog. I hope to instill a feeling in anyone who reads this. Something powerful, something that makes things look just a little bit brighter.

a poem by me

society is twisted 
our futures are bricks
pulling us to the bottom of the sea
our brains are sick
but thats okay
because school matters more
than health anyway

Have you ever noticed that these days students pour so much of themselves into their schoolwork. Countless nights I’ve been up way to late trying to write just that last sentence or read just that last page. I swear these days our papers have our blood in the ink. You know the expression we put our blood sweat and tears into it? Well its really not that far off. School puts so much pressure on teens to get good grades, get into a good college, make good decisions, that they dont realize how much they are hurting young minds. Our futures are like weights tied to all of our limbs and our teachers just decided to throw us into the deep end of a pool. The worst part is that teachers and parents dont even seem to realize that our brains are becoming sick. Wastelands of knowledge self destructing just to find an escape. Everyone seems to think that if you get A’s, everything will be okay. Like an A is a special bandaid or some magic pill that makes our pain stop. But thats not the case, an A is a letter, our brains are our brains and if we hurt them by being self destructive, no A is going to fix that.

h i

I’m young and I believe in things. I like to write and I like when what I write makes people feel. I like to express opinions and share things I like. This really is just a compilation of all things ramble 🙂

One thing I like is music. I really really love music. Sometimes I may talk about songs I’m obsessed with or songs I think have a strong message. I’m really into indie pop and some folky pop stuff, and a lot of old rock too.

I also really like poetry. I like what I write and would love to share it.

Feelings. There are lots of feelings. This will be where I vent, where I express my opinions and share my thoughts. Judgement free.

Again, I’m not entirely sure what this will be but I think we’ll figure it out together 🙂

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